Constant energy and bliss.
Size zero jeans.
No need to eat.
An end to my food addiction.
That’s not a lot to ask…right? I mean, the diet-lifestyles I adopted promised I could get there and I wanted the very best life had to offer! And after all, nothing worth having comes easy!
It didn’t matter that it took all of my life energy to plan my diet and include all the other necessary accessories: meditation, colonics, detox saunas, movement, food prep, juicing, looking at menus ahead of time, visualizing myself shedding all of the toxic weight my body was carrying, staying home to avoid bingeing, saying “no” to every bite of food ever offered, making time for more intense cleanses, shivering from the cold of a body fuelled on little more than vegetables, feeling guilty when I overate, and planning my days around my special meals.
It didn’t have to be that hard- but I had to look closer at what I wanted from life. When I looked a little further, past the things I thought I was hoping for: the flawless health and picture-pefect body…It all ended up coming down to the way I wanted to feel:
I wanted to feel free.
I wanted to feel turned on by life.
I wanted magic.
I wanted to feel fully expressed.
And I was holding myself back because I had an idea of how things needed to look first:
I couldn’t feel free as long as I had this fat on my body.
I couldn’t feel turned on when I was so toxic and needed cleansing.
I couldn’t have magic until my skin glowed and my energy didn’t waver.
And I could never be completely expressed until I had rid myself of food addiction and obsession.
But it was a lie.
It’s a lie that the best we can hope for in life is a tinier figure. It’s a lie that a “perfect” body equals bliss. It’s a lie that you can green juice your way to immortal youth. It’s a lie that you need to put a hold on your dreams until you’ve accomplished everything you think you need to accomplish in your outer world (losing weight, having a relationship, finding the perfect job, etc). Life is always changing. Even if you focus your life on and achieve your dream body, you could get into a car accident tomorrow and be paralyzed for life. I’m not trying to be a downer, far from it, I’m saying your joy doesn’t live on your dinner plate or in a smaller dress size. It doesn’t even live in endless youth, energy, or health.
Want to know what’s better (and way more interesting!) than perfection?
Listening to yourself. Listening to your body. Feeling sadness. Feeling joy. Feeling everything.
The myth of perfection is so alluring – why feel uncomfortable if we don’t have to?
Because learning to feel our discomfort – learning to feel every uncomfortable sensation and emotion, makes us all the more able to deeply feel the exquisite emotions we DO want to feel.
Because listening to our bodies, rather than someone else’s diet plan, is the only sustainable way to take care of ourselves. It’s great to take in information, it’s great to experiment, but the only one who knows what and how much is right for you is you.
Calorie counting won’t get you there. Detoxes and cleanses won’t get you there. Restrictive diets won’t get you there.
Listening will. Showing up for your life will.
How do you want to feel? What are you putting off until you’ve lost weight? Where are you living in your head and waiting? Where can you start being more alive?
Connecting to yourself and to your body will take you on far greater adventures than your fantasy of a juice fast and a tiny bikini, I promise.
Curious about this whole “trust your body” business? In The Eat to Feel Good “Diet”, I walk you through the five steps that scooped me out of my freaked-out mind and dropped me back into my body. Five simple steps to freedom from food obsession. Five simple steps and you’ll never have to go on a diet again because you’ll be able to know what your own body wants and needs. Sound good? Check it out here.